Both of Them Knew
by marine maiden
Summary: Byousoku 5 Cm / 5 Centimeters Per Second - Oneshot. Set after the movie ending. From 2 point of view, Akari and Tono.


Disc: I don't own Byousoku 5 cm, Makoto Shinkai does.

Drowsily, he blinked. The rays had infiltrated through his curtain and his dream. A dream about his imagination of him and her - together - in the greeness of field. The same image he had again and again since he was in high school.  
He sat up, push away his futon and reached to open up the curtain. Another day has begun. Another day which was the same with yesterday. And the day before yesterday. And stretch as far as he could see from his past - since they parted ways - until his future. The ray shot mercilessly into his eyes. He reacted nothing more than a simple wince. He didn't avert his gaze from the blinding scenery. It stung his eyes, of course it was. But nothing could compare to the stung of pain in his heart. His heart had bleed dry. Life was suffocating him. He didn't struggle. He had given up long ago. He was nothing but an empty shell. No purpose. No motivation. No passion. Nothing. Nothing.

* * *

She served the breakfast on the table. Her future husband complimented her for her cook, for her presence, for everthing. She only smiled shyly. They ate and he left for work. She tidied up everything and cleaned up the dishes. Just like usual, she reminiscing her precious memory.  
His silhouette at the noon. His kind smile under the Sakura tree. His footsteps in the falling snow. His warm hand covering hers. His longing hug. And their shivering kiss. It always ended at the winter. At THAT winter. She had never forgotten the memory. It was too beautiful. And sad. And painful.  
She locked the apartment and walked down the road. It has been her daily activities since she had come to Tokyo. Wake up, depart for his apartment, cook, eat breakfast, go home, return for dinner, then he sent her home. He had told her to stay at his apartement instead to reduce the hassle but she had turned him down. She touched her engagement ring. Less than half month. She didn't have any other choice did she?  
A sirene signaling coming train brought her back to reality. She waited for the train to pass. The blinking red lamp and noisy sirene remind her of that day. It was at the train crossing. It was where she had felt his presence once. She didn't pay attention because she was deep in thought. When she was going to wait for the train to pass and reveal the opposite male, her fiancee had came and picked her. She had missed the chance. It's her wish to see him once again. But she had been disappointed many times. It was probably just her missed cruch, wasn't it?

* * *

He walked down the same road he had passed everyday. Everyday since the spring came. He would turn right at the next cross section and headed to the park. He would stand below the huge Sakura tree and let it casted its flowers. Hoping it would somehow soothe his loneliness. He had lived with it for more than a decade. He used to be able to bear with it. Nonetheless, there are times when simply writing unsend letter or typing unsend mail couldn't alleviate his yearning. His yearning for her smile. For her voice. For her warmth. For her touch. For her.  
He didn't search for her. It was probably because he was too afraid. Afraid of her rejection. Or probably he felt guilty. Guilty for not being able to protect her nor find her when he already have matured.  
He watched the Sakura being blew by the wind. Some of them stucked in his hair and clothes. He didn't care. He took out a cigarette and lit it. Sucking the poisonous tobacco into his lungs, he may had unconciously hoped that his physical life to end soon.  
There was a time when he told himself to move forward. Everyone must have experience what he had gone through. He had learned as diligent as he could, worked as hard as he could, socialize as regular as he could. Still... _Even if we exchanged 1000 mail, our heart wouldn't get closer even 1 cm_. It was true. Everything was in vain. He knew could get nowhere forward. He was trapped within himself and his hope of different reality. Even before his current girlfriend - who had just break with him - told him, he already knew.  
Puff of smoke was being blew from his mouth. He inhale the cigarette again. He was breathing just like every living human does - though it was out of mechanical system. Every single breath he had drew in, reminded him of every moment he spent without her. His dying hope searched for her presence at every corner - he would be able to recognize her no matter how long they have separated. He searched for years until his hope completely shattered. Every second ticking, he was breathing. But he was not living.

* * *

Sakura was flying to her direction. She stopped and watched them dancing in the air before landing near her foot. She stared at them while guessing where it had come from. She had never really pay attention to the neighbourhood. She had never really pay attention to anything aside from him.  
She smiled ruefully, an expression she never usually showed to anyone. She was getting expert in putting out facade. She smiled, she laughed, she acted as what she was expected to be. Her life was not hers. It was as if she was drowning in a deep water and watching her days from distant. She knew it was her heart which was at the distant. Her body and soul was not complete.  
There was a time when she was complete. At her childhood days. When she was with him. And at that winter. When they yet reached 13. She strolled down the road and curiously scanned her surrounding. Wondering where the Sakura had flewn from, a slight smile tugged in her lips.  
She had never seen him after that winter. She had waited for his letter and mail. For years, she checked her mailbox and always returned with disappointment. And too for years, she checked her cellphone and the mail which came in had never been from who she had expected. She had given up. She didn't know where exactly he had moved to. And both of them were constantly moving every few years so it was easier to lose track. A lush of pink was welcoming her when she at last found the park. She never knew there was a Sakura park near her fiancee's apartment. Overwhelmed with memories, she started her small jaunt. A shadow of another human caught her eyes. She didn't want to disturb other nor want to be disturbed in her pleasure time. She decided to walk away when she realized the figure was somewhat familiar in her mind. She was hesistant but she inched closer to have a better view. When the trees cleared from her view, the sight in front of her was not something that she would ever dare to dream of for a decade.

* * *

He was sure he had sent the letter to her. Nonetheless, no reply was the fact that he need to cope with. He had lost hers only phone contact in his way home during that winter. It flew with the cold harsh chilly wind, as if were laughing at his helplessness. He mocked himself for his cowardice and carelessness. Yes, he had been a coward. He never sent a second letter to her. Horrified with the fact that probably she didn't need him anymore.  
He knew it would be most possibly what had happened. Akari was a beautiful girl. Her personality was enchanting. Who would not want to be with her? She probably already had a husband and kids by now. He hate to admit, everytime this realistically possible thought dawning in his mind, he would prefer to rip his heart out to evade its cruciating beat.  
He crunched his face. He had heard the footstep at his far side for a moment. Yet, he had no intention to pry his gaze at the front Sakura trees. Only when the steps were getting louder and he sensed another people presence not far from his right, he decided to identify the intruder.  
Stricken, for a split second he was sure he was dreaming. However, after seeing wind playing with her hairs - a scene he had grown too familiar with though not in the Sakura park but more real than any of his imagination could bring him - and her aghast expression, he knew it was no illusion. Their distance is less than few steps away. He was long to run to her, to hug her, to feel her warmth, to grasp her and not to let her go again. But his feet was pinned to the hard ground. He didn't notice he was holding his breath. The next second he inhale the air, he knew, he was alive again. He didn't know how to express his whole twirling emotion. The only thing he could do was uttering her name in his lips.  
"Akari..."

* * *

When she saw his expression, she knew he had never changed. Longing, desire, tenderness, warmth, shocked and any other emotions she couldn't name but feel out with her heart. She was shivering. If this was a dream, then let the dream never end. She was content living in it. Unconsciously, she clench her own hand with anxiety.  
The second her name was chanted, she knew this was a reality. His voice was laden with emotions, as her own current expression which she had yet realized. That second, she knew, she was whole again.

* * *

A/N: It's on my mind ever since I watch the end of the movie. I believe both of them can't actually move on with such an abrupt ending to their relationship. As to why the letter from Tono never reached Akari, you should be able to guess why. :p


End file.
